Jerry, Jerry!
by Not much a poet
Summary: When Jerry Springer meets Red eye. Nuff said. rated for potenial language. Audience participation included.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**So, I should be doing the other chapter fics. You know me, I like to dabble. **

**Okay, let's get down to basics. This is The Jerry Springer show. Today, we have Lisa Reisert, her father, Joe Reisert, and Jackson Rippner. Why are they here? Lisa believes that Jack (sorry, _Jackson_) tried to kill both her and her father, after a horrific time flying back from Texas. **

**You know the drill. All I can say is that this is in no way the musical, and that we need an audience. So, who wants to ask one of our guests a question? Bearing in mind that we can do without the usual 'Oh jack, will you marry me' gobbledegook. What we are looking for is honest Jerry-esque questions 9such as 'Jack, why try to kill her?)**

**All you need to do is press that little button, no not that one, the grey one. Submit it in review form, and we will consider it for our show.**

**And to all of you that didn't quite make the cut, sit back, and enjoy yet another episode of the smash-hit show 'Jerry Springer'!**


	2. Part 1

Everything is black. Everyone knows where they are, and what direction the stage is, but they cannot see it (apart from those already on it). Three people are on it, sitting in cushioned chairs, knowing full well what is about to unfold. The audience know it, as well; for them, it is nice to actually be in the room. If it isn't for the fact that they were all about to be on national television, it would still be fine, because getting in through the crowds was war as it is. The only sounds that fill the room are the odd cough here and there, and from backstage. That's when they all hear it. 'Three, two, one…' Someone calls. Then, everything is illuminated by sharp bright lights.

**Welcome to the Jerry Springer show, here with your host, Jerry Springer!**

Everyone applauses. Everything is so much clearer now. Everyone can see the blond presenter, coming out from behind a wall behind the stage. Sharp suited, perfect appearance, just as always.

'Hi, everyone. How are you doing? Today, we have three guests with us, all with a common problem to sort out' He started. He then quickly trotted up behind them; 'Here, we have daughter and father, Lisa and Joe Reisert, all the way from Miami, Florida. Also, we have Jackson Rippner (who, try as we might, will not tell us any personal details).'

Again, everyone started to clap and whistle and cheer.

'Okay, let's get down to basics; Joe believes that Jack was trying to kill Lisa, after what she describes as 'terror at thirty-thousand feet'. So, Lisa, by that, what exactly did you mean?' Jerry asked, pointing the microphone at Lisa.

'What else _could_ you call it? Short and sweet, I was at my grandmother's funeral in Dallas…' she began, only to be interrupted by a lot of sad groans coming from the audience. 'Thanks. Anyway, so, Jacks asked me to join him for a drink at this bar. Like any bored woman would, I accepted. When I got there, he was really sweet, guessing what drink I wanted, playing the perfect gentleman, all that. _Then_…' she sighed. '… when I found my seat on the airplane, I found that I was sitting next to him. I was really gob smacked, you know, like, if I sat next to him, maybe I could get to know him better. After the plane took off, he then told me that I had to phone my hotel and change the secretary of state's room, so that he could easily be killed'

A few people gasped.

'If I didn't do as he said, someone would kill my dad. What else _could_ I do? I tried loads of different ways of shaking him off, but it was no use. I had to make the call. When we landed, Jack chased me back to my dad's house. That was where everything started to go haywire'.

Jerry started at her for a moment. Then he collected himself;

'Wow. So, Joe, how did it go 'wrong'?' He asked, pointing the microphone at the next person. For safety purposes, Joe was sat in the middle of Jackson and Lisa.

'I don't really know. All I remember is that Lisa came in and had to call her hotel, something about her getting over there as soon as she could. Then, everything went blank…'

'Blank?' Springer asked.

'Yeah. Then, when I woke up, Lisa was shaking me back to consciousness. She moved me outside, and all I heard after that was a load of noise. Smashes, clanging, screams, the works!'

'Jack hit you over the head with a spatula. He then went after me…' Lisa cut in, somewhat grimly.

'Care to share?' Jerry asked her.

'He chased me round the kitchen, upstairs, into the bathroom, into my old bedroom, threw me down the stairs, and then got himself hurt…'

'What, someone like him?' Someone called out.

'Yes, someone like him. No, _especially_ someone like him. He tried to kill me. He chased after me with a knife, threw me against various walls, threw me down the stairs… Then…'

'Then you shot me.' Jackson finished. Lisa looked at him; He was leering at her.

'Well, yeah… What else could I do?'

'Do as you were told?'

'I'm not a kid!'

'Seems like it…'

Lisa stood up abruptly from her chair.

'Hey, hey! Not right now. It's not time. Heck, we've only been doing this fro, what, ten minutes max.?' Jerry said, looking at his watch in the process.

Lisa plunked herself back down, crossing her arms like a told-off kid.

'Now, Jackson, what's your side of the story?'

'I went to her house, played on of those cat-and-mouse games, and yes, got shot.'

'No, you chased me around in one of those survival-of-the-fittest games' Lisa argued.

'And got hit with a hockey stick. She was like some sort of baseball player, only using my hand as the ball… Oh, and that's another point; you stabbed me in the neck!'

The audience all gasped on cue.

'So?' Lisa said, disinterested.

'Oh, wait, we have a question!' Jerry burst out. He walked over the about the middle row, and went over to someone.

'Yeah, Hi, I'm Nina Rippner. Were you really trying to kill her, Jackson?'

Jackson looked up;

'Yeah, she pissed me off!'

'So?' Lisa, again, muttered.

'What do you mean, 'so'?' He complained.

'That all you can do? Kill someone because they pissed you off?'

'When the mood takes me. I've got that kind of power, Leese!'

'DON'T CALL ME THAT!'

'Why?'

'O-kay! We'll be taking a short break now, so all you viewers out there, don't you go away. We'll be right back.' Jerry Springer interrupted. Then everyone started to clap. And the sponsor adverts played.

**A/N: Special thanks to Nina Rippner, and all of you that got involved. To all of you that have yet to submit a question, follow the instructions in the last chapter. Oh, and one more thing; you lot remember wackojacko? Well, she will be making a rather unexpected comeback.**

**For all of you that got involved, here's your goody bag to take away!**


	3. Part 2

'Welcome back. Before the break, we met Lisa, a Floridian woman terrorised by her seat mate on a flight from Dallas. Lisa, what exactly did you do after you… did what you did…?' Mr. Springer started.

'Well, the ambulance came… and he got whisked away…' Lisa muttered. When she looked up from her lap, she noticed that everyone was still staring at her. 'Nuff said…' she added.

'So, he didn't go to jail?'

'No. Well, at least not yet. The sooner the better, I guess. But still!'

'What, so you want me to go to jail _just_ because of that little incident? You know Leese, I could do a _lot_ worse to you than just that!' Jack argued. 'Leese' just shot him the death-stare.

Before anyone could reply, Jerry was back up in the audience;

'Another question, you two!' He called down. Then, he pointed it for the question;

'Hm...this one is for Joe. What thoughts were running through your head when you saw that Lisa was being attacked by Jackson? Who did you think he was? How did he knock you out? Did you fear for your own life?'

'Hey, slow down' Lisa's father cut in. 'My thoughts? Well, I was still pretty light-headed from when he whacked me on the head. Anger, I guess. Confusion, that sort of thing… Oh, and he knocked me out with the fire extinguisher. And I feared for Lisa's life more than mine.'

The woman nodded.

'I guess I didn't really know who he was. Just…' He started again. He thought for a moment about his answer. 'Some nut…'

'So _that_ was why he was so scared of it when I threw it at him… And why it was lying on the floor…' Lisa mumbled to herself.

'Lisa, do you have a crush on Jack?' Someone else randomly blurted out. It was random how she just came out with it, and put everyone in a _very_awkward position.

'No.' She replied. Pure and simple. 'After all, how could I fall for a man that killed his _parents_?' Her tone had suddenly become grossly disgusted.

'So, you really killed them?'

'Yeah, why wouldn't I? They pissed me off!' Jackson angrily answered.

'So? That's still no reason just to…' Joe argued. He was then cut off by both twenty year olds staring daggers at him. He knew it was the time to just keep his mouth shut. Then again, he _did_ think that he had heard more than enough for one night. How could his baby girl fall in love with an assassin? One with a name like _that_? Speaking of too much, that was exactly what he was going to do. He got up from his chair, not bothering to care what was going through everyone's minds whilst watching him. Nevertheless…

'Jackson, do you still hold a grudge against Lisa?'

'Yeah, of course! Something like that can really fuck up a guy's life…'

She then turned to Lisa;

'Are you still afraid of him? Or…'

'No, I'm not scared. Angry, yes. Wishing he'd just give it up and die? _Hell_, yes!'

A hand then rose up from the audience.

'Thank God…' Jerry muttered. He walked up to where it was coming from and put his microphone in;

'Hi. My question would be if everything had gone according to Jackson's plan, would he really have let her go at the end? Honestly, I think he would have killed her himself or had someone else do it but I think he was bs'ing a bit in the end about them both going their separate ways…'

'Yeah, I'm still here, you know!' Jack angrily called out. With that, he slumped back into his chair.

Everyone looked at him.

'What?'

'Your turn…' Lisa reminded him, annoyance clearly lighting up her features.

'Fine… No, I would have got her myself, I wasn't bull-shitting, nothing, nadda. Happy?'

Everyone nodded.

'Peachy…'. He would have smiled and put on more than a sigh when he said it, but by now, he was getting a bit pissed off himself. He felt like some farm animal at the petting zoo. Minus, thankfully, the petting. He did his hair especially for this; all that he needed right now was a million women fluffing up his hair.

'Also, for a professional killer, how did you come up with such an idiotic plan as that one? Even if she called without stabbing you in the neck, so many other things could have gone wrong...was that really the best you could do or did you just lack any further ingenuity?'

'I lacked any further ingenuity… What do you think?' He bit back sarcastically, with that ever-present smart mouth of his. But, as always, innocent faces got the better of him, and with a deep sigh, was forced to go into more, _proper_, detail; ' When you have a job to do, you have to ask for as many details as possible (so that each assassination or whatever isn't the same as the last). Thing is, when your new client tells you _exactly_ what to do, there isn't really much way to correct it. In my opinion, the plan was pretty much shite, but what could I do? He knew who I should go to and prey on to get the job done! I just did as he told me, and, as usual, did the best I could…'

Everyone in the audience (including Jerry) could help but sympathize with him. Just then, something caught Jerry's eye; another popped-up hand.

'I have a question for Jackson!' She said. Jack looked up from his hand (or rather, fist) which he was resting his mouth on. 'I remember that you told Lisa that you wanted her dad to see what you were going to do to her. If it had gone your way, what would you have done?'

Jackson smiled. He had guessed that this would prop up. He scooted over next to Lisa, who was watching him through narrowed eyes.

'If it had gone my way, then I wouldn't have had to go after her like that…' He smiled, which was completely out of the whole entire context. 'Uh…well, that's a very complicated question. I guess…' He started, looking over at Lisa, who was currently watching him very carefully. '… Anything that I could think of at the time. If I was in this sort of mood, you know, not all 'guns-blazing', then…'

Everyone was practically on the edge of their seats. It amused him. Time for the over-kill…

'Depends if she was a good girl or not…' He purred, smirking as the very tips of his fingers danced on her left upper leg. Lisa shot him a look of grimace and disgust all rolled into one. With that, she grabbed his hand and yanked it away from her. Jackson continued to smirk his ever-famous expression, knowing full well what kind of hell he was putting her through.

'Pervert…' She whispered to him, only letting herself and him hear it. They didn't really figure that they were still wearing their microphones…

'Any more questions?' Jerry asked. When no one put their hands up, he knew that today had been successful. One with no fights, as such, at least.

'Well, that's all we've got time for. Join us next week when we see just what it is to be part of a vampire gang and going on a murder spree. Anyway, see us after the show for some Q's and A's. But from me and the studio, good night!'

'JACK!' Another female voice called down. This time, when he looked up, his fears had been answered; she was back. The fan who had been following him for days had found him. All that he could do was make a break for it backstage… All that he heard was the drone of the usual 'Jack, marry me!', and the like coming from her.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed it. Yes, after the show, I will be interviewing the cast, and getting the REAL deal on them. So, if you want to submit (only a few, though) questions, they will happily be answered. And so will most of the questions that were featured on today's show (because, let's face it, who wants to reveal ALL of their personal secrets?)**

**And yes, 'Next weeks show' comes from another movie that I saw the other day. Vampire clan, I think it was called…**


	4. Backstage by permission only

**Hi! Today, we'll be going backstage and getting those well-deserved answers for the questions featured on today's show. Who knew that they would all be so… secretive? Ah well, we can forget about that now, because what are we here for? The answers, that's right, and why…**

'Yeah, okay, cut to the chase!' A blond woman shouted from amongst the crowd. After getting through that massive crowd of screeching fan girls (and boys), _everyone_ deserved a break from sunny hosts. And diversions…

'Oh, okay then. Will you please follow me?' the host asked, leading them away to another room. When they got inside, it was basically… backstage. Make-up artists, costumers …other people… came from every direction, and everyone had to dodge them frantically. After all, who wants 'death by charging cast' on their death record?

'Like, oh my God! It's Jackson!' shrieked another audience member. When everyone turned to see who it was, they found (to their 'surprise') that it was Loren, Jackson Rippner's unsurrendering stalker. Ah, what it is to be thousands of women's object of desire…

Then she left, screaming as she went, only to alarm the rest of the crew (including Jack himself) to start running.

'Moving swiftly on…' sighed the guide. She then led them to where Lisa (should) have been sitting. It didn't take Miss Reisert long to come back to her post. To welcome her, everyone started to bombard her with their questions.

'Whoa, whoa, hey… I can't hear all of you at the same time!' She shouted, just enough for her to be heard.

Everyone shut up.

'First question…' Lisa started, sitting straight in her chair.

So, _do_ you have a crush on him?'

Lisa stared. Thoughtfully.

'It…' she started to say. This was quite a complicated question, after all. Then again, who was she hiding it from?

'I'd be lying if I said no, but… you know. He tried to kill me and all… It's not a crush, or love, per se…'

'Lust?'

Lisa's face lit up with a smirk.

'You seen that guy's eyes?' she answered. Just that one sentence summed up the whole question.

'Are you afraid of him, then? Angry…?'

'Yeah, I'm afraid. That's why I can't just go up to him and…'

Most people got the picture.

'Angry? Yep. That jerk blew up part of my hotel, terrorised my friend and family, made me look like a total slut in the restroom… Amongst other things!' She fumed.

'Anything else?' She asked, calming down slightly.

'Just one' mentioned the tour guide. 'What about her?'

Lisa didn't know what the hell she was talking about until she gestured towards Jackson hiding amongst a costume rack, whilst Loren looked for him frantically.

It did the heart good to see him reduced to this.

'Sit back and watch?' Lisa suggested, folding her arms behind her neck. Today was good.

Well, it would have been, had Loren not found Jack and give him _that_ look. That was enough to get Lisa going again. She got up and made her way over to the blond stalker, giving Jack the chance to go back over to where the crowd was. It was safer than over there, at very least…

He sat down in Lisa's chair.

'Where you really trying to kill her?'

Jack looked back up.

'And here I was, hoping that the cameras had caught the end of the discussion…' He smirked.

When he figured that no one was going to just walk away, he decided to answer it.

'Yes. After all, she was the one that screwed up my job in the first place… If anyone found out, I certainly wouldn't live to see the next day…'

'Did you really kill your parents?'

'One of them. She was a whore, anyway. Don't know about my dad, though. I left before I could find out…'

'Do you still hold a grudge against Lisa?'

'Yes and no. I do because she messed up what I was trying to do, but… well, I don't think I could stay mad at a woman that can actually take care of herself. The girl's got guts, to say the least!' He smiled.

'You got any feelings towards Lisa, then?'

'I just told you!' He reminded her, still smiling and relaxing. Then he got what she meant.

'Depends. I admire her, but I don't really know if I've crossed the line yet. If I have, then I have. You see, when you get involved in a job like this, you can't really have emotions especially towards a target…'

'Yes or no!'

'Yes!'

Everyone smiled. The biggest question had been answered.

'Where you going to let her go?'

'Yeah. Well, saying that, if she did something really awful, then I would consider not to. But if she was a god girl, then I'd let her go…'

'And the plan?'

'Oh, it's you.' He acknowledged, coldly. 'The plan was shit, I told you everything on the show, 'nuff said…'

'What were you going to do in full view of her dad?'

Jackson laughed at himself.

'You know me; I love to play with people's minds. Nothing, actually. I just wanted to see what her reaction would be'.

'Why did you touch Lisa's leg? And is she right; are you really a "pervert"? Women don't like being referred to as "girls". If you really do call us that you're sick!'

Jack just sat there, wide-eyed.

'Same rule applies. I wanted to see what her reaction would be, and I got what I wanted. The look on her face, though!' he giggled. 'And no, I'm only a 'pervert' in her mind. I'm not one in real life. But yes, you can call me sick if you want, I've had it done before, I have my reasons…' He trailed off.

'Any other questions?' He asked.

'No…' Everyone simultaneously said, still amazed at his very bold words.

'Peachy…'

'What about Joe?' Someone called out.

'Good idea' The host agreed, leading them elsewhere, leaving a very smug Mr. Rippner still in place. They finally found Joe talking to Jerry.

'Mr. Reisert? Could you spare a moment of you time?' She asked.

He nodded, turning to the crowd.

'How did jack knock you out?'

'I told you. Fire extinguisher. Everything that I said on the show was the honest truth. Or are you just thinking that it wasn't because of that son-of-a-bitch was on there?'

No one really had anything else to add at that point. A moments silence passed, only to be cut short by Joe, who started to make his way to where Lisa's chair was. When everyone turned around, they found that his greatest fear had been realised. Don't ask how, don't ask why, Jack and Lisa… Well, they were making out in full view of the whole crew.

'Well, this _is_ 'Jerry Springer', after all…' Jerry sighed.

'_Anything_ can happen…'

**A/N: And that's the end. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Now, on to my other fics that need finishing. And then maybe I can start on my new Red eye fanfic. **

**Hey, you're not the only ones with plot bunnies. Oh yeah, and for everyone that stuck by me, there's a toll-house cookie in the mail for you.**


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